Good evening Arkheologorodok! This is Lara Kiseleva broadcasting live from the Orbita News building, bringing you this week’s news round-up.
Our top story is the violence on the evening of Ramon Mercader Day. Two Vos’moy convenience stores were destroyed, and an attempted robbery occurred at a third. Militsiya are currently investigating, and have reported the abandoned vehicle used in the ramming attack on one of the stores. Details are limited, the vehicle was apparently crashed into a tree near Gunig Marsh and contained evidence of violence.
Militsiya have released CCTV footage from the attempted robbery at the third store, and are currently on the look out for a bald man and a man with an eye patch. Commissioner Nikitan has announced a manhunt to find the terrorists, as they took a man hostage at the third location.
In a bizarre policy decision, Governor Yevseyev has announced an act of mass clemency after a lengthy review of multiple cases of inmates at Dzerzhinsky Prison, saying that “it is critical that we reunite husbands with wives, fathers with children, sons with parents.” The office of the governor has released a series of photos of these “Re-union Ceremonies.” Commissioner Nikitan has assured that the public has nothing to fear from these pardons, and that claims of a sizeable number of them being associated with the so-called Gay Nazis are “baseless speculation.”
A leaked report from the Ministry and Roads and Transit is making waves, with a 28% increase in traffic fatalities, apparently focused around the Old Downtown, particularly in the area around Zhdanov Park. The leaked report also cited Militsiya crime reports of a marked increase of illegal street races in the area. This comes on the heels of Commissioner Nikitan's "Make Arkheologorodok Beautiful Again" initiative last week, in which city militsiya were reported to have encountered unanticipated violent resistance to the beautification initiative.
In spookier news, sightings of the Silent Train have sky-rocketed, with even a handful of disappearances now being attributed to the phenomena. While Commissioner Nikitan has denounced such claims as "baseless hysteria," commuters have been reporting an notable increase in metro warden presence at night at both below and over-ground stations. We at Orbita News regret to inform you that we have been explicitly ordered by the city not to offer rewards for pictures. However, we are pleased to inform you that the ordinance said nothing about theories! Post your best theories as to the cause on Orbitanews.com and win cash prizes!
And that was this week's new round up, brought to you by the Auto Coachman's Combine, reminding you that it's just not safe to get in a car that doesn't bear the Combine's seal. For Orbita News, this is Lara Kiseleva, signing off.
And be careful out there, Arkheologorodok.
Personal Interactions and Interests
Spartak: After a great night catching up with Abram over what you can only describe as consumer grade hemp and some shrooms, you hit upon a brilliant idea for a means of capital accumulation for the party, and green grocers/juice bar/garden center/shroom distribution center/illegal beetle racing venue. You're gonna call it Gorilla Gardening, you just need to set up a supply chain with old Chernykov in the Underground.
Party leader Tsitrusovyye has signed off on it, but both he and Commissar of Communications Borodina would also like to introduce you to a mole they have in another organization first. Apparently he has big news.
Dr Galdikas: OH GOD, DO THEY KNOW? You've heard they're looking for a bald man, but there are lots of bald men, you're a much respected pillar of the community, and Administrator Volya Saburov has been nicer than ever to you. You got a call from Vernisa to negotiate a couple small time rentals from the Monoilov Center, which is both comforting and concerning.
That's probably why you hired La Mite, a taciturn French hitman with a penchant for kimonos. That thug you sent down to the Silo to collect more of that water hasn't returned, which is worrisome. And Dr. Orlova had to reschedule your meeting to tonight. It's all very vexing.
Professor Semenov: This is why you never watch film, that silly Anglo tape has been bothering you all week. It's made concentrating on the dig more difficult, but it is coming along. However, apparently there have been some vandals over night, stealing tools or draining out the gas of the generator. In addition, Dima says he and his boys are expecting a scrap with the Pederast Third Positionists, to use your lingo. But these damn dreams keep you up all night, lots of none-sense about diamonds in the sky forcing humanity to retreat underwater in vast, golden submarines.
Aleksandr: These Toporika Bratva blatnoy are some of the craziest fuckers you've dealt with in a while. It's like they can't decide if it's 1993 or the height of the Bitch Wars, so they just act like it's both. And the Vor...he sounds almost like a parody but you're sure it's not an act, and a man that large should be able to move so easily. But they're true to their word.
Mara won't talk about what her "penance" was and you won't ask, though the Ornithologist offered to give you the dvd. She's resilient, scarily so, and you think she'll take a boat down the underground river by herself if you let her.
Gavril: These fucking assholes knocked over three different corner stores while you were puking up your guts from that Ramon Mercader Day street taco, the fucking skeleton Virgin Mary staring down at your from on top of the toilet the whole fucking time. You need to kill something, doesn't matter what and only minimally matters who.
